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Tough LovE [1]

November 19, 2011

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She stole another glance at the men behind her as she hurried along Rhodes Avenue. Just a couple more blocks and she’d be at her apartment building. All she had to do was get past the dark patch caused by the faulty street light up ahead, and she’d be back at her block. There she’d be safe.

Her personal sanctuary, she couldn’t get there soon enough. She’d chosen that particular building when she moved here because of its state of the art security system. Armed with surveillance cameras, a 24hrs clock security guard, and motion detection sensors; it was as close to a fortress as she could afford.

The Eastern Cape is safer. Statistics shows a low crime rate when compared to other South African Cities. Its the reason she had chosen to move here. The university had just been an added bonus. Nothing beats living below the radar, away from her past, the beatings, stigma, rape and abuse.

“I’m just being paranoid. Those men aren’t after me. Maybe they hurrying to a pub somewhere to catch the remainder of the springbok’s game” she rationalized, as she neared the edge of the shadows of the dark patch. She had nothing to fear and mind was overreacting. Her internal radar was merely off; it still hasn’t gotten used to the security Grahamstown offered. But nothíng is about to happen.

There was no need to be afraid. She had been very careful this time. No one (here) knows what she was, she had taken tremendous care to keep it a secret this time. Avoiding public places, meeting Thembi only in  motel rooms, hiding whatever feelings she’d developed for her and encouraging her to stay with her fiancé when she(Thembi) wanted to break up with him.

So there’s no reason for alarm bells screaming in her head, shouting at her to RUN!! No reason to be afraid. No one’s going to try to cure her illness here. “There are no monsters lurking in the dark, up ahead“, she said to herself as she marched into the dark patch.

Home, sanctuary, is just a couple of steps away

Then IT happened, like her mind had been warning her all along. Two shadows suddenly emerged from nowhere in front of her and headed monstrously for her. She stopped; frozen, engulfed in a red mist of terror. Her mind screaming RUN, but her legs had deserted her. She stood as if in a trance, as the monsters close in.

She was 16 again; back in Soweto. Naive, with no idea what happened to girls like her. She was at home that day, where they say charity’ begins. Lenka, her older brother, had led a group of men which included a boy she had been seeing (but had refused to sleep with) and other concerned friends and extended family members into her room.

We know you are a lesbian… You are not a man, you think you are, but we are going to show you, you are a woman. We are going to cure you of this madness; you need to feel the real touch of a man, to taste a man

It was a tough act of love but the lesson needed to be taught. She needed to be cured; to become a true African woman.

A lesson it had been. A lesson she never forgot. It was all she remembered the other eleven times, other groups had tried correcting her, even when she got stabbed nineteen times, it was always that afternoon happening all over again.

Her mother had walked in afterwards, with a pained but satisfied air. “This is what happens to girls like you” she had said.

.  .  .  .  .  .  .

She saw but didn’t recognize Mpho, Thembi’s fiancé as he grabbed her. His face faded out of her view, replaced again by Lenka’s. She was back in her room in Soweto again, and didn’t feel the first stab going in her back, from the brutes behind her…

There’s nothing like a penis to solve a woman’s problems. Maybe it will solve hers this time.


* * * * * * * *

This is a work of fiction. And yet…

They Call It Corrective Rape aired October 29, on CNN’s World Untold Stories . Corrective Rape is a practice where men force themselves on lesbians, believing it will change their sexual orientation.


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Lost Ones

November 12, 2011

j-cole-lost-ones

What do I do? Where do I go? How do I move on? What turn is my life taking from here?

You are supposed to love me. Our love was supposed to last a lifetime. You were supposed to be the man for me. You said you’d stand by me to the end, at my side through whatever vicissitudes life throws at us.

Typical, how  my knight in shining armor, turned out to be a loser wrapped in shining aluminum foil. You acted no different from those other blokes. Buttered me up (like they do), saying all the right things, and making all the right promises.

Funny, how you turned out to be a  ‘smooth operator’, who got me offering it raw, without any thought to it.

I had no idea this who you truly were. Started acting up when I told you about missing my period. Acting and talking all funny. Cracking stupid jokes about ‘going to find my period wherever I left it’ and that line I still don’t get about ‘missing period being like typos’.

You’ve had some real nerve(!) walking up to my face and suggesting I get an abortion. Questioning me if the baby was truly yours. Do you still recall what you told me that first hot afternoon, the magic words you uttered, right before I offered you the treasure of my female essence?

Momma was right when she warned me of boys. “They all make babies they never take care of” she had said. *deep sigh* I should have listened to her warnings and steered clear of your cheap ass. But, No. I t had to fall for your bullshit, and offer you my heart and body.

My body.. It’s mine and mine alone, along with my baby. You relinquished all claims to it when you made that utterance. You’ve got no say or business whatever I do with what’s mine.

I’m not the kid you still are. You made me a woman. I’m now about to be a mother. A new life exists inside of me. I’m going to nurture and watch it grow. Momma did it all alone, I’m going to do same.

. . . . . . . .

Baby girl, I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. I got you pregnant now inside there is a life in you.

I’m sure it’s hard right now for you, but I need you to understand that it’s hard for me too.

I know you expecting me to do right by you. In a perfect world I’d make a wife of you, and start our own cute little family right now with you. But baby, the world we live in is anything but perfect. I have to be realistic and think about the baby.

I don’t want to be that guy who knocks you up girl and skips town leaving the baby for you take care of, but we ain’t ready for this. Think about the baby and you will realize it also.

You and I, we are still kids ourselves. How we going to raise a kid by ourselves, afford a place to live in, get through the pre-natal and hospital bills and manage to put food on the table. How are we planing to get a child through school? We barely into our twenties. We’ve got little or no marketable skills.

It hurts me when I say this, but we ain’t having this kid. ‘Cos we can’t afford to.. Stop taking that tone and looking at me like that. You acting like it’s all my fault. Though I’m accepting all blame you allocating, the truth stands that we were both too horny to remember to put on a condom.

I’m not prepared to bring my child into this world like this, knowing full well that he’d have to settle for the leftovers the way his father did. I refuse to make another child go through what I did.

I know this hurts you more than it tears me, but we can’t keep the baby. He should come first. Let’s do this for him.

* * * * * * *

Snippet from the single “Lost Ones” (download here) from J. Cole’s debut album, Cole World: The Sideline story.

Sideline’S lonely

November 5, 2011

sad-girl

So I’m awake, sitting in the bathroom while you are asleep and my heart is hurting over the changes and distance between us. I don’t know what to think (I did sign up for this) but all I know is that I do not want to continue going this way.

What way? The way we are, the way we’ve always been -with me being just an afterthought at the end of the day. With me being the last thing or person you think of everyday (I’m not sure that came out right). With it being ok not to see me outside of class for almost two weeks, and then not even touch or have other than a formal (polite) discussion with me. Then, parading other girls in my face and introducing them as a friend’ to me.

With you not hungering or thirsting for me so much that you can’t wait to see me and make love to me. With it being OK to mention, DM, text, email, or call everyone (but me), before you even think of contacting me. And saying it’s because she was around, that (she) never stopped you in the past.

Is it that you no longer have feelings for me (that’s if you ever had any), or you just take it for granted that I care for you so you don’t have to make the effort anymore? Do you no longer desire me (the sex part used to be what I was always sure of 😦), or that you now desire someone else (other than the so called ‘love of your life’)?

Whatever it is, I no longer want to be in this place; it hurts too much… I never told you how I really felt about you because I didn’t want to lose you. But you can’t lose what you never had, right?. You were never really mine.

I realize this may come across as vindictive, but I’m glad (will be someday) that my wishes never came true, that my prayers that you’d one day realize that I’m the one for you was never answered.

It would not have been wise to be in a ‘serious relationship’ with someone who I know cheats on who he claims is the ‘one true love of his life’, even though he was cheating on her with me… irrespective of how I may feel about him.

I’d prefer you don’t try to patch things up with me, I’d rather you don’t want to be with me out of some form of guilt or obligation. I understand the rules of the game perfectly. Though my heart refused to listen to sound reasoning and got muddled up (in whatever this mess is called); we are play by the rules to the end.

I’m tired of playing. I want out of the game.

No more friends with benefits.

*  *  *  *  *  *

Hey there.. I’ve been away from this blog for some time. I’m sorry. When you make a commitment you have to stick to it, no matter what else is going on, so I’m offering no excuse. I promise though, to post something at least once a week from now. There’s going to be a regular post on Saturdays from now. Thanks for visiting this space once again.

You can also read a some Posts I wrote during my hiatus. “If Only”  on the thenakedcovos.com and “Higher Men” on Mafaba’s blog.

Cheers.!

looking BACK

September 20, 2011

No one understands what makes me smile in my sleep.

No one could ever understand how I manage to sleep blissfully with death, pain and suffering all around.

No one could simply conjecture that, only when I was asleep, I could have the objects that could grant me relief and happiness. I could get once again, all I had lost and was reminded of when awake.

Our past has been forgotten. Who we were, where we are coming from, what happened, what we did, faced and suffered. I see the young going in our footsteps again, setting the wheels in motion again. They’ve got no idea what this can cause, the pain and sufferings it will bring. The bloods that will be spilled. There’s never a winner in a war with one’s brother.

It feels like a million years ago, but I still remember being that young. To feel ‘the blood’, energy coursing through my loins. Feeling ‘life, energy. You never thought you could get old. You had all the time in the world. You could do anything/everything. Tomorrow seems so far away (until suddenly, it creeps on you).

Like the time honored fashion in which only the young can act –with no thought or consideration to the obvious consequence and suffering their actions will bring -, they are set to repeat the sad and tragic mistakes we made. History is set to repeat itself again.

Certainly, you could not take the word of these oldies seriously; I mean what does an old man -who is unable to get from his bed to a chair without your help- suppose he knows about ‘these extreme times’? He drools in his soup, has someone else changing his diaper and stays in whatever position he’s placed. Yet he says he knows a thing about life, security, pride and territory? Of course, he knows nothing. You just have to repeat the mistakes he (they) made to learn something. He (they) also did (it’s rather unfortunate that the consequences are so dire).

Although, I realize it’s going to have little or no effect in the choices and decisions they make, I still feel the need to tell our story. If for nothing, it’s a part of a heritage that they deserve to know.  Someday, they might refer to it, to tell their story.

My eyesight is totally gone. I can no longer write. I need someone put this down for me. I call for VEe -our dead neighbour’s daughter, who now lives with us and tend to me-. VEe is very young, but she will do. She can write faster than I can talk.

Where shall I begin, VEe? Where should I start from?

Start at the beginning, Papa.

The beginning? I’m not sure where the beginning is. But, let me begin in the manner every other great story is:

Once upon a time ago, back then when the sun was younger, grave peril rose in the land. This evil threatened to disrupt the foundations of the called the Giant of Africa (although, as now, it’s development was also seemingly usurped by those of other African States at that time, and the Super Eagles were also chickening).

It all started when a bomb went off…

********

Leon’s ANGLE?

Boko Haram.

Yeah, that’s what this is all about. With the various bomb threat going around last week. A lot of talks where made about ’tis Boko Haram issue’, and the consequence and reaction it will draw, if a bomb goes off here in the South (where I live). With our militancy record and high level(presence) ethnic conflicts(war), it’s no surprise that everyone was talking about a retaliation on the northerners and Muslims (most of whom are not in support of the ‘sect’ acttions) who reside in this region.

Although, the sect consist of a minute part of Nigerian Muslims, I’m sure some affected faction would have carried this out. I had a discussion with a friend’s grandpa about this. But, the conversation took an unexpected twist (though, it doesn’t seem out of context, not that I think about it). We ended up talking about the civil war, how it started and the pain it brought. Pa served in it, and was eager tell stories about it.

He inspired me to tell a story.

….Leave a feedback.  Share your views.  Use the comment box

If I was a girl…

September 6, 2011

If I was a girl….
First I must be present when God is sharing beauty and brains. Wowo girls, sorry to y’all, but u guys are not fun. Una be like left over. Dull bimbos, worse!!
Razz or Posh? I wouldn’t mind any but I must be street-smart and I should, up to an extent, be able to fit into either environment. No, I don’t want to know how to rack nor do I want to be a posh sissy; Just a little of both worlds. Well if I had to choose, well, I love posh spice so I guess that settles it.

Oh, any posh accent I acquire must be the real deal and not one I got from watching Sesame Street or from spending a rare weekend in Brighton. Oh, I would never buy one from Nnewi airport. Shame on you girls who do that!

Boys? *sips la casera* now it gets interesting. My idea of Mr right is a dependable, financially stable (richer than Adenuga), really handsome (don’t try and fall short of the Idris Elba mark I set if u want me), honorable, dependable man with integrity. One who’s considerate, caring, lovi…… ahn ahn wetin sef?! Why do girls do that? List qualities that no one man could possibly have with that sharp mouth of theirs. Even if Mr. fucking-perfect existed, why would he want miss-far-from-perfect? Yeah! Yeah! destiny and whatnot. Me I am not like that oh. Im very reasonable oh. I would want a man who is caring and dependable and trustworthy and honorable. Eish, I counted. My personal qualities I want from a man iz just four whilst miss-far-from-perfect’s own is like 9. See? I’m reasonable. Oh, he should be able to upgrade my car once a year. And it wouldn’t hurt if he didn’t look like a hybrid of a gorilla and a monkey. A little good looks. That’s fair right?

Girls? Well I will keep a few girlfrnds. The fewer the better abeg. Aside from the often pointless gossip girlie cliques entertain, the saying ‘na who know man, na dey kill man’ manifests itself more in these girlie cliques. It will just be me and my BFF, plus a few girlfriends. Even my BFF won’t know EVERYTHING about me as some girls are wont to do. Lai lai.! Oh, becoming a lesbian is possible. After all I know the hidden pleasures in a woman’s body and with the trend of boys not being good lovers cos all they do is take take, it’s not entirely impossible. But I shall try not to give in to temptation. After all, I’m not as weak as Helen (Ellen).

Relationship and Dating…. Ahhhh. This one na ‘heavy duty’. Dating and relationship are 2 different things (atleast to me) so you boy (or girl, u never know) don’t be expecting what u wouldn’t get after 3 months in a relationship with me on our first date, Or second, Or third sef. That’s not to say I will not give u small ‘periodical’ rewards as we progress from dating to relationship. And PLEASE don’t spout any of that ‘love at first sight bullshit’. Never!
The 1st date; although I leaned in on you cos I really enjoyed myself, don’t go starting something unless I initiate the move myself. And by initiate I don’t mean the hot stare I give your lips or the intense way I gaze into your eyes. I mean myself smacking my delectable lips on yours. Then you’ve got the go-ahead . else, a peck should suffice….
2nd date… a kiss. No tongue…..
3rd date… a british kiss (abi what u people call it), French kiss and no more. Don’t be grabbing at my boobs like a lifeline no matter how heavy they feel against your chest. Unless I place ur hands on them, that is
4th date…expect a call-up. U’ll get it. Heavy kissing and petting. No getting to home plate/third base though… Don’t worry, I always have a carton of Vaseline handy. I’ll give you one tube on your way out. U can take kia of things at home. Or in ur car sef…. Im kind like that 😀
5th, 6th, 9th, 11th will be the same story as the 4th but don’t despair cos if we last 3 months then know we’ve moved to the next level. No, not that! Is that all u people think of sef? SMH. I mean, I now see u as husband material (I’m a girl who knows what she wants). Now it’s time for ‘discovery’
Discovery is usually 3-4months.

If you cheat that is if I catch you cheating and my heart’s involved already, you’ll lose something. Your range or your X6 will be totaled. If my heart no involve I go play game on you. What? I caused this? If you can’t stay celibate 4 this period, how am I sure you’ll stay celibate for d 5 months junior’s showing in my tummy, cos I won’t tolerate that ‘sideway doggie’ nonsense. Your pole of a dick won’t affect the shape of my child’s features. Lai lai!

If you didn’t cheat, and my heart’s involved I’ll make you fall in love with me, that is if you havrn’t already. If you don’t? I’ll let you go or try to…………..

Marriage? Be prepared for the wildest ride of your life d minute you put that ring on it! Shey you saw how Beyonce shook it in that single ladies video? That’s a preview of things to come. What, from someone this inexperienced? Hey! I didn’t tell you I was a greenhorn!
Also, if I successfully fooled you and hid some of my less admirable traits, eiya..pele. There will be plenty time for ‘discovery’. Its only for life…… 😀

THE END…………………………
*******

Im not saying girls shud behave like that oh, at least not when it comes to the sex part. But if I were a girl…..
*sigh* this is what Beyonce’s “if I were a boy” caused oh!

Broke

August 31, 2011

I can picture us sitting on the couch, or lying on the bed just chatting away…

Slowly, I lean over to you placing my hand just below your breasts careful not to touch them. First one, then two, then three fingers slide in-between cotton. The tips of my fingers brushing your skin. The smooth, but hard skin of my fingers causing your skin to tingle

Like an electric bolt, the tingling sensation floods your nervous system, your loins stirring in anticipation…

Slowly my fingers inch forward, each movement leaving a trail of sensation in your skin. Your breadth quickens, your eyes widen. You look up at me, with a deep hunger radiating through your beautiful eyes…

With a deft movement between thumb and forefinger, I loosen a button on your blouse, and then another. Before you realize it, you feel the enveloping touch of my palm on your smooth skin. A giggle escapes your lips as you realize that you’ve been holding your breadth. Before you can speak you breadth is taking away when you feel the palm of my hand on your left mound…

Wild lust in your eyes, you longingly look at me. Sliding my other hand behind the nape of your neck, I bring you forward, looking hungrily into your eyes as I kiss your passionately on the lips. My lips nuzzle yours, my teeth gently nibbling, our tongues intersecting, probing, and excitement pulsing though our veins…

My hand slowly glides off your breast, each fleeting touch of your nipple causing you to involuntarily biting your lips, nearly drawing blood. Slowly the hand slides over your tummy tracing a pathway of pleasure. The gliding fingertips briefly slide over your navel, the tingling in your loins accelerating with each movement…

Reaching your belt buckle, I deftly unlock your pearly gates and alongside your trousers. I’m headed for your pleasure lips and it’s pinnacle as my fingertips poke the elastic band of your panties and slides inside…

“Stop there!”

No…

Dream on Marcus.. It’s not your birthday, It’s hers. This is what you get from listening to too much Jeremith.

Get off your pathetic ass and start facing reality; You know she’s going to write off your broke ass after you fail do something special for her or get her a present on her birthday. Hell, you haven’t been able to afford her a decent date so far.

At the rate you are going, holding hands with her will soon become the stuff of your dreams. Money still makes them come

********

Leon’s ANGLE

There’s this saying we have in pidgin “You like better thing but you nor the like baff”. No girl wants a broke bloke for a boyfriend. No boy wants to be that broke bloke. (BTW why do I need to go into the morals of a post at the end sef?)

…..Thanks for reading.

Skin di’P’

August 22, 2011

Oh, How the mighty have fallen

Today she made no impact. She always had

The offer of unapologetic sex in the curves of her body had always ensued it

She used to be the centre of attention. I vividly remember the last time we ate here; heads turned away from dates and meals.

These days, she garners no more than the cursory glance accorded to someone who just entered a place.

Eba ‘n Okra soup now presents a more appealing sight, raised heads quickly turns back. But  not before I saw it, the pity in their eyes

It no longer gets to me. I’ve gotten used to it over the past months. Hell! I also pity myself

No more prayers about a bright(er) future. Scrapped the plan to get a Masters at Princeton. This Diploma Certificate will just have to be enuff for this lifetime

I leave campus today. A job as clerk to a friend of an Uncle is waiting; there’s no more time to waste as an undergraduate…. the future is bleak

Family.. -It’s funny how they always come through when ‘needed’

Who would have thought ‘ours’ would work so well together? With all their different beliefs and background, they saw what needed to be done and did it, quickly and quietly.

They’ve ensured we’re prepared for the sentence…. No comma, no pause, no anything.

It’s sad how one goes from intimacy to nothing,

One day you can’t get enough of someone & your world seems to revolve around that person, the next, NOTHING.

I haven’t touched her in a while,

Maybe its cos I’ve got a no shagging 2012 resolution or I’m plain not interested in a threesome. Whatever the reason is, I can no longer stand her.

Damn You! July,

If it wasn’t for your near arctic temperature, I might have resisted taking a cork sorry pop out of the lust bottle without plastics..

I hope I don’t resent the baby as I now do the mother. It’s not his/her fault that Daddy wasn’t smart enough.  He should have known better than going skinny dipping

…….. *ahem*

The waiter’s polite cough snaps me back to earth –from my hyper active imagination-, to face the situation.

He’s standing by our table, ready to take orders

I hadn’t noticed his approach. Maybe she had, maybe it’s  why she hasn’t said anything more, I’m hoping her silence is not because she’s waiting for me to say something.

“Dear God, she want to do with the baby?”

I’m not going to accept responsibility if she insists on keeping it”, I think to myself as I fall into another glimpse of a ‘would be’ future.

********

BTW I think condoms are the coolest invention of the last century, but that’s a post for another day.

Last month was one cold bitch (excuse my french), a lot of us  shagged consistently to stay alive (tremendous excuse to set-p)

The result (some might say consequence) is supposed to be come in about eight months time, but test scores happen to be pouring in. The girlfriend of a friend is already pregnant.

I’ve been of the notion that most peeps I know won’t want to keep a ‘baby’, but surprisingly, he is (they are).

What will you do if you/your girlfriend gets knocked up???

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