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Sideline’S lonely

November 5, 2011


So I’m awake, sitting in the bathroom while you are asleep and my heart is hurting over the changes and distance between us. I don’t know what to think (I did sign up for this) but all I know is that I do not want to continue going this way.

What way? The way we are, the way we’ve always been -with me being just an afterthought at the end of the day. With me being the last thing or person you think of everyday (I’m not sure that came out right). With it being ok not to see me outside of class for almost two weeks, and then not even touch or have other than a formal (polite) discussion with me. Then, parading other girls in my face and introducing them as a friend’ to me.

With you not hungering or thirsting for me so much that you can’t wait to see me and make love to me. With it being OK to mention, DM, text, email, or call everyone (but me), before you even think of contacting me. And saying it’s because she was around, that (she) never stopped you in the past.

Is it that you no longer have feelings for me (that’s if you ever had any), or you just take it for granted that I care for you so you don’t have to make the effort anymore? Do you no longer desire me (the sex part used to be what I was always sure of 😦), or that you now desire someone else (other than the so called ‘love of your life’)?

Whatever it is, I no longer want to be in this place; it hurts too much… I never told you how I really felt about you because I didn’t want to lose you. But you can’t lose what you never had, right?. You were never really mine.

I realize this may come across as vindictive, but I’m glad (will be someday) that my wishes never came true, that my prayers that you’d one day realize that I’m the one for you was never answered.

It would not have been wise to be in a ‘serious relationship’ with someone who I know cheats on who he claims is the ‘one true love of his life’, even though he was cheating on her with me… irrespective of how I may feel about him.

I’d prefer you don’t try to patch things up with me, I’d rather you don’t want to be with me out of some form of guilt or obligation. I understand the rules of the game perfectly. Though my heart refused to listen to sound reasoning and got muddled up (in whatever this mess is called); we are play by the rules to the end.

I’m tired of playing. I want out of the game.

No more friends with benefits.

*  *  *  *  *  *

Hey there.. I’ve been away from this blog for some time. I’m sorry. When you make a commitment you have to stick to it, no matter what else is going on, so I’m offering no excuse. I promise though, to post something at least once a week from now. There’s going to be a regular post on Saturdays from now. Thanks for visiting this space once again.

You can also read a some Posts I wrote during my hiatus. “If Only”  on the and “Higher Men” on Mafaba’s blog.


5 Comments leave one →
  1. Jane2020 permalink
    November 5, 2011 12:55 pm

    Nice Story (Y). The girl should leave him, such a man is never good enouh. She deserves better

  2. KlinKelv permalink
    November 5, 2011 1:03 pm

    Gud. U decide to write again.

  3. Patbaby permalink
    November 5, 2011 1:48 pm

    This is how most relationships on the side ends, with one partner getting very emotionally involved. From experience, I Like think it happens more among boys. Like the girl said, she knew wat she was getting into.She shud just take her broken heart and move on

  4. @sirkastiq permalink
    November 5, 2011 1:55 pm

    “Is it that you no longer have feelings for me (that’s if you ever had any), or you just take it for granted that I care for you so you don’t have to make the effort anymore?”

    Feelings? In FWB? Never works.

  5. SlevinCalevra permalink
    November 5, 2011 3:08 pm

    Nice post. Really would be nice to read this FWB kinda post from a male point of view.

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